Serotonally Challenged

I wonder if others experience depression the way I do. I've been clinically depressed for decades now and have been legally medicated to the point where sometimes I've been awfully silly and disconnected which, compared to the low lows that I've occasionally been prone to, doesn't seem all that bad sometimes, but that kind of medicating leaves me numb on an ongoing basis. Lately though, I have missed experiencing a range of emotions and am taking the big risk to get off the pharmaceutical industry's version of an antidepressant to try a natural supplement that is rumored to keep depression at bay but not keep one from feeling. I'm desperate to see if this is possible. So far, I am experiencing occasional lowness but I'm bouncing back relatively quickly by - eating a meal, talking to someone, not isolating. I hate that my moodiness has nothing to do with anything in particular, but just my serotonin levels and hormones. It makes me feel very vulnerable now; in fact, when I'm feeling low, it's a bit like the sensation of bleeding. Wonderful things are going on in my life; in fact life is the best it's ever been, and yet these feelings of bleeding. I guess this is the path to true joy? At least I'm not low level medically buzzed on an ongoing basis like I was on the original 9/11. That could be a good or a bad thing depending on how you look at it. Despite it all, this natural health experiment continues and, as the good book says, I "wait for the Lord".